Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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