I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
