when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
