a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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