I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
