i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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