I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize