Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
