well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
