When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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