Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
