His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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