it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The beer is more important than you right now.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
