fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
