I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
