I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
