I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
