So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
