About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
