Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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