Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
