I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
