Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
