everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
