I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just google imaged poop.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
