I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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