fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
