Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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