Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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