why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize