look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
