I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize