I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
