does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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