sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
love makes seman taste better
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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