I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
