How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
