There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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