Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
