I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
