I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize