I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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