Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
