i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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