went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
