so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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