God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
