My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
