tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
