i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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