i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize