I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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