Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
