I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
