Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
