do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How does one acquire holy water?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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