You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
