They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We talked him into tasing himself.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
