I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
