what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
