I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
