Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she looked like the before picture.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
