i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
