I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
