3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
