So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
